Sasori of the Sexual Harassment
by AkatsukiRedCloud
Summary: Crack-fic. A quick one-shot. Here we look at Sasori's many ways of attempting to seduce members of the Akatsuki, and failing...Miserably. Rated M for sexual themes, and complete crackiness. Honestly, if you're not into crack, do not read. Slut!Sasori. please review!


**_Crack-fic time~! Don't even consider this being part of SasoDei month, it's the result of me having too much time on my hands, and being extremely bored at 10:46pm. D: _**

**_Time for slut!Sasori to come out and play then~! I was considering doing one of these for Deidara..._**

**_So yes, reading this, you'll realize how sick and twisted I can be^^_**

**_Basically a one-shot on Sasori being a complete whore, attempting to seduce almost everything in sight. 8D_**

* * *

**_1) Pein. _**

_Knock, knock..._

The ginger looked up from his wooden desk, towards the door.  
"Come in..." He stated, returning back to his crossword.

"Hello, Leader-sama~" A voice purred.  
"Tobi, for the last time, I do- Sasori?"

The red-head grinned at the ginger man, sliding onto his desk.  
"What's this~?" He smirked, pointing to the man's work.  
"A crossword." The ninja replied plainly, blinking at the red-head's unusual behavior.  
"A _har_d crossword?" Sasori smiled, tapping his index finger on top of the paper, sliding it down towards the other man.

"W-Well..." Pein shifted, uncomfortable in the red-head's company. "I've come across much harder ones."  
"I bet that's not the only hard thing in this room, Leader-sama~" The smaller ninja smiled, slipping his hands under the desk.

"Sasori." Pein stated, eyeing the red-head. "Get off my dick, and get the fuck out of my office. Now."

* * *

_**2) Itachi. **_

The raven eyed the red-head sitting across the table suspiciously. There was something different about him today.

Was it the glossy pout, currently graced across his features? Or the way his crimson hair looked slightly fluffier than usual? Or maybe the fact that he had cut up his cloak to make it look like a mini-dress.

It could even have been the stick of dango that the red-head held between his fingers.

"You like what you see, Itachi-kun~?" Sasori cooed, sticking his small, pink tongue out.  
"...I'm not exactly sure what I'm seeing." The Uchiha plainly replied, blinking.

The red-head let out a light chuckle, running his tongue along the stick of dango in such a seductive way, Zeus would be proud.  
"Oh, Itachi-kun~" The red-head purred. "Imagine if this stick of dango was something else~ Can you guess what~?"

"...Sasori." Itachi stated, eyeing the red-head. "If I ever see you defile something as beautiful as a stick of dango ever again, I will kill you."

* * *

_**3) Kisame.**_

"S-Sasori...?" The blue-skinned man stuttered. "What're you doing...?"  
"Hmm~?" The red-head purred, adjusting his over-sized, red sunglasses.  
"...Are you feeling okay, Sasori?"

Of course the red-head was feeling okay. In fact, he was having the time of his life. Feeling a little hot, the puppeteer decided to buy himself a hot-pink paddling pool, to cool off in. Of course, whilst filling it up with ice cold water, the man needed something to wear. So what else than one of Konan's bikinis

So there Sasori was; Lying in a paddling pool (designed for a toddler.), on his tummy, in a red bikini. Of course, along with a pair of sunglasses, and a large inflatable shark.

"Oh, Kisame~" The red-head pouted, lifting up the glasses to his forehead, revealing his seductive, half-lidded eyes. "I got lonely in the pool, and this shark was the closest example of a friend I could find~"

Kisame blinked, completely unaware on what to do.  
"No ideas~?" Sasori pouted. "Oh well. I have a suggestion~ How about you replace my shark friend here~?"

The shark-like man was completely oblivious to what exactly was going on.  
"You can show me if the rumors of a male shark's genitalia is true~" The red-head added.

"Sasori." Kisame stated, eyeing the red-head. "If you buy something as offending as a blow-up shark ever again, I will kill you."

* * *

**_4) Kakuzu._**

The red-head purred, crawling onto the tanned man's lap.  
"What the hell...?" Kakuzu murmured, frowning at the smaller man.  
"You're so comfy, Mister money-man~" Sasori exclaimed, stroking Kakuzu's mask.

"Can you get off...?"  
"Oh, but the game's only just begun!" The red-head squealed, snatching the wad of money, previously in the larger man's pocket.  
"What're yo-  
"Now you see it~!" Sasori grinned, holding the money up. "Now you don't~!" He added shortly after, stuffing the money down his pants.

Kakuzu's eye twitched as Sasori chuckled, slowly pulling the mask down, running his slender fingertips over the man's stitched mouth.  
"We're gonna have so much fun~!" The red-head exclaimed.

"Sasori." Kakuzu stated, eyeing the red-head. "Remove my money from your pants, or I'll kill you."

* * *

_**5) Hidan.**_

Sasori giggled, sprawling himself out, over the Jashinist's bed.

"Kakuzu, what the fuck did you do with my fucking rosary?" The immortal screeched, storming into the room, immediately spying the red-head.

"Sasori?" The silver-haired male asked, narrowing his eyebrows. "What the fuck are you doing?"  
"Being sexy~" The red-head purred, bucking his hips.

Currently, the puppeteer was sprawled out, over the bed, stark naked, smothered in blood. Around his neck, was the Jashinist's precious rosary.  
"I-Is that...M-My..." The zealot twitched.  
"Come to me~!" Sasori grinned, spreading his legs.

"Sasori." Hidan seethed, eyeing the red-head. "..._Give me my fucking rosary, or I'll tear you limb from fucking limb!_"

* * *

**_6) Deidara._**

**"**You know, brat..." The red-head mused, leaning on the blonde's door. "Sometimes I can't help but agree with your art."  
The blonde snapped his head up, giving his Danna a very confused expression. "W-What, un...?"

"Well..." Sasori began, grinning. "Your art is a _bang. _Now, I agree with that..."  
"T-That's great!" Deidara cried.  
"...If by the term "bang", you mean banging me until I pass out." The red-head continued, smiling innocently.

At that, the blonde bomber almost chocked on his words, giving his Danna a flabbergasted look.  
"W-What the hell, un?" He exclaimed.  
"Oh, you know you want to~" Sasori cooed, bending over in front of the blonde.

"Danna." Deidara growled, eyeing the red-head's butt. "If you ever defy my art in such a way again, I'll blow you to smithereens, un."

* * *

_**7) Tobi.**_

"Tobi~!" Sasori cooed from the masked-man's bedroom.  
"Yes, Sasori-sempai?" The man cried, dashing into the room.

"I have a surprise for you~" The red-head grinned. "Time for you to show me what a bad boy you can really be~"

So there the red-head stood, in the center of the childish man's room, completely naked, covered head-to-toe, in melted chocolate.

"B-But...Tobi is a good boy..." The man mumbled, trying to avoid the red-head's ever-so seductive gaze.  
"Lick me all over~!" Sasori demanded, smirking, completely ignoring the man's previous statement.

"B-But.." Tobi sniffled, rubbing his mask.  
"You know you want to~"

"Sempai..." Tobi mumbled, eyeing the red-head's naked form. "If you ever defile chocolate in such a way, I'll have to report you to childline."

* * *

**_8) Zetsu. _**

"Zetsu-kun~" Sasori cooed from the garden.  
"Sasori...?" A soft voice replied. "_What the hell does he want?"_ A much deeper one added.

"I've finally become one with nature!" The red-head admitted, presenting himself in front of the plant-like man. The red-head had stuck bits of flowers and petals to his body, making him look like some sort of fairy.  
"Lets pollinate!" Sasori added.

"_...I'm up for it." _The deep voice smirked. "Fuck no!" The softer voice cried, backing away. "He's stuck bits of our siblings to himself, look!"

"Sasori." The soft voice stated, eyeing the red-head. "_If you ever destroy our garden again, we will devour you." _

* * *

_**9) Orochimaru. **  
_

"Orochimaru." Sasori stated, approaching the snake-like man, who had been missing for a while now.  
"Yes...?" The man smirked, running his eyes up and down the red-head's body.

"Forget it...!" The red-head chuckled, bolting away as quick as his little legs could carry him.

* * *

_**Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. **_

_**What on earth!? **_

_**I wrote this in like...15 minutes, ok!? Crack-fics...T.T**_

_**God, Saso...You're such a slut. **_


End file.
